Dead Goose Decoy

Engineering Marvel @ My Office Complex

the problem

	migrating canadian geese
	multiplying canadian geese
	lots and lots of canadian geese droppings
	PETA

the plan

	alter millions of years of instinct in a humane way
	"frighten" the geese into migrating into a different office park

the hardware

	regular goose decoy
	hacksaw
	super glue
	a gullible facilities management staff

cast your mind for a moment...

every year i've been here @ 2650 thousand oaks blvd we've been blessed with a large number of migrating canadian geese. it seems that when this fine facility was built, somebody thought it would be a nice idea to have some canadian geese around to swim in one of the many lakes we have here. so, an ambitious few were brought in to swim around. this they did, but as you might imagine, swimming around is not a full time job if you are a goose. so, in their free time, these geese took it upon themselves to perpetuate their own species by vigorously mating here in their south memphis home by the wolf river. so, while it seems that the perkins / american way area is not overly suitable for retail stores such as goldsmiths, dillards, jc penny, circuit city, FredEx, stein mart, shoney's or service merchandise, it is perfect for breeding large numbers of geese.

now while i'm sure that the people here were relieved by the departure of the geese later that spring, they must have been horrified the following year when nearly all of them came back... with friends. the cycle of life not only continued, it snowballed. these geese were now migrating to the comfort of the 38118 zip code on instinct. this is where the problem that inspires our engineering marvel begins...

now, you may be asking yourself, what is wrong with having geese all over the place? well, apparently geese have a tendency to make quite a mess. so much of a mess in fact that a member of the maintenance crew has to come out each morning and afternoon with a hose and sprayer just to make the pathways navigable

it is my understanding that in the years prior to my arrival here @ thousand oaks "business center" that many other methods have been used in an attempt to control the goose population. everything from snake oil on the eggs to "unfriendly" nesting plants have been used. at one point the mgmt here even hired someone to box up a large number of the geese and ship them off to a field in arkansas. as of this writing, none of these attempts have worked. then, the other day i get this email from a member of the facilities mgmt group.

geese have no regard for the laws of mankind

actual email

>>> "Fleischer, Jeanette @ Thousand Oaks" <JFleischer@cbre.com> 01/08/03 03:34PM >>>
As some of you may have noticed, we are trying a new geese population control method of deploying "dead goose" decoys around the property. These are designed to look like a dead goose with a broken neck. By moving the decoys around, in theory the live geese will decide that other waters would
be more hospitable. We are hopeful that by discouraging the geese from making this their home, we can avoid the cleaning and walking problems caused by excessive levels of geese in the area. This method is completely harmless to the geese and to the environment.

upon reading this, i immediately picked up my camera and headed on a "dead goose decoy" safari. below is what i found

this is the first decoy i stumbled across. a closer inspection reveals that it is merely a "normal" decoy with a few minor engineering adjustments.

for starters, the head and neck of the decoy appears to have been cut off at the base. in the opinion of the staff here at www.richardvining.com, this is where the hacksaw and super glue come into play.

to the right is another look at a similar decoy. there were about 6 of them that i could see.

to the facilities mgmt. staff here at thousand oaks, this is what a "dead goose with a broken neck" looks like.

now not that i'm a goose, but if i was my thoughts upon comming across this would be along the lines of "oh good, more food supply for me!" - but like i said, i'm not a goose.

however, with all this said - i didn't see any geese around... until the next morning.

the following morning while walking from my car, i heard a large number of ducks and geese in the general area of where the decoys were placed. running with my camera, i was able to take this photo on the left.

as you can see, the engineering marvel known as "dead goose decoys" do indeed work!

as i approached the scene, several horrified geese and ducks were fleeing the scene. many were so scared that they were unaware that they were stepping on the decoys.

conclusion: nothing in the world of nature is a match for a human's superior level of ingenuity.

Dead Goose Decoy

Engineering Marvel @ My Office Complex

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