Everyone
in mid-town has a dog, and being one who keeps his thumb pretty
close to the pulse of the community, i have determined that
most of these dogs stay inside all day while the owners go
to work; therefore, come late afternoon, the sidewalks of our
neighborhood
are all jammed up with people taking their dogs out for a walk/bathroom
break. It really adds a nice feel to our little corner of town.
However, this spring i have been forced to take a stand against
a byproduct of this otherwise community friendly practice.
(yes, i realize that the first sentence is extremely long,
but staff member Hank has
assured me of its punctual correctness)
Now while
i get the physics involved with your dog being cramped up in
a broom closet all day and needing to relieve him/herself after
you've been gone for 8 hours, i'm not very down with some of
the procedures for relief that some of my neighbors seem to
be following. For instance, there are people that
let their
100 lb K9's wander way up into my flower bed to find that perfect
piece of property in which to urinate on. This process typically
takes a dog anywhere from 15 seconds to a full minute. All
the while the dog is evenly applying 25 lbs of pressure across
its 4 paws all over my tulips, pansies, hostas, begonias and
daises in an attempt to make what amounts to the urban equivalent
of a crop circle. After completing the circle, the dog then
relieves him/herself onto the crushed flowers below. Being
the sort of person who likes to say that they learn something
from every situation, good or bad, i can safely say that i've
learned that the best way to nurse a crushed flower back to
health
isn't
to
pour
dog urine
on it. Compounding this entire problem is a dog's understanding
of land ownership. As best i can tell, urination is the K9
equivalent of title insurance and must be maintained with regularity
in
order
to
keep everything "up to date". Dogs achieve this by
marking their territory again and again and again in order
to assure themselves that "their land" is properly insured,
but we are digressing here - NEXT.
You would think
that a beautifully
manicured lawn would be all the signage one needs to deter
a reasonable person from letting their dog "claim" a
piece of my yard in this manner, but by the end of last summer
i had lost several plants and a $140 dollar bush to this increasingly
popular practice. But as annoying as that is, it pales in comparison
to those people who let their dogs poo in my yard and then not
clean up after themselves. The
alarming increase
in "poo and run" incidents recently has forced me to come up with some
sort of solution. |
| The
way i see it, the text is just long enough
that a dog walking passerby would have to pause
to read it. This means that one would have to be in "thought
mode", thus increasing my chances at both retention
and conviction. (but then again i am a cold hearted
conservative republican who would never let their dog
do this sort of thing to someone else's yard in the first
place so, who am i to try and get into this set of heads.) |
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| Either
way, i'll keep you, the reader, informed as to the effectiveness
of this campaign. Currently i am envisioning some sort
of excel scatter
graph or something to measure the progress.
Until
then,
thanks
for stopping by. |
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