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12/2/2011 3:40:28 PM
Christmas Card Explained
Wha... What's going on here?
Those of you who know me have heard me say that ‘funny’ has two rules, the first of which is ‘funny is funny… regardless of whether or not you get it.’ In that, if you happen to be one of the select 100 or so people to be blessed with my Christmas card again this year, chances are you ‘get it’ and don’t need any explanation as to what is going on. If you don’t, please let me know so that I can un-friend you or whatever. On the other hand, if you do ‘get it’ but didn’t receive a card, perhaps you should just try a little harder at being a better friend next year. Anyway, for those of you who fall somewhere in between or are perhaps a mandatory and/or obligatory recipient of the card each year and just don’t have a clue, let me help you out.
First of all, we ARE actually at the beach. Hard to imagine that I actually took a vacation this year, but I did.
Next, that ‘skunk looking thing’ some of you have asked about is a HONEY BADGER. Why a Honey Badger you ask? Well for a variety of reasons… the main one of which being that IT’S FUNNY. But seeing how if you are even reading this you didn’t get the funny to begin with, let me explain. A) Just go google or youtube ‘honey badger’. The rest should take care of itself. B) LSU’s best football player on defense this year was nicknamed ‘The Honey Badger’ for his propensity to ‘take what he wants and not care’. Seeing how Kristen went to LSU, and our youngest daughter possesses many of the same charastics of the animal, it seemed like a good idea. And yes, I did photoshop in that little honey bear bottle as well. Thought that might serve as a good clue.
As for the airplane, well here is where I’ve received the most compliments. Several of you have suggested that I photoshopped that in because there is no way I could have timed it all. This accusation suggests that you people actually believe that I would have paid for an airplane to fly by with a ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS – VINING’ banner. I’ll take that as a compliment! In truth, while the photo is of a plane flying by with a banner, the banner said, I’m not kidding here, ‘OVERBOARD WET T-SHIRT CONTEST 2NITE’ Awesome! Well from that I was able to re-create and re-arrange some letters and make it say what I wanted… but thank you for thinking I might actually do that. (hit refresh a few times on the home page and the actual photo of this will come up eventually)
Other than that, there were the usual assortment of enhancements like
-I added myself in later as so to get the kids to look at the camera
-I made my teeth look whiter
-Ava’s head is from another photo
-I removed this Russian guy from the background
-Yes, those are my real 'pecs'
You know… the usual.
Hope that clears everything up. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
9/23/2011 2:31:22 PM
R.I.P. R.E.M.
See you 2014'ish
That collective ‘meh…’ you heard this week was the global response to R.E.M. announcing that they are breaking up. At first I was pretty cynical about the news and was convinced they were merely doing this to gain attention for what was sure to be a money grabbing reunion tour in a few years. Let’s face it, if R.E.M. went on tour in 2014, nobody would really care. But now, by having ‘broken up the band’ they can announce a comeback and fill up the Forum for $75 bucks a head. But then I started to think a little deeper about this and started to remember all sorts of things about the band people my age pretty much grew up with. I even broke out all my CD’s (yes… remember those) and started to play them in order. Wow. All sorts of forgotten memories started to come up. High school football games, college pizza and Nintendo tournaments, first ‘real jobs’, car rides, old friends and the like and all started to refresh themselves with each passing song. Not so much the radio hit tunes as the ones that, unless you owned the CD, you never heard. It was a really cool head trip. Yes, there were a few stinker albums there in the early 90’s where Michael Stipe went on a whining bender. But overall, you can still toss in just about any CD, push play, and let it roll. Something we just NEVER do anymore with the a la carte iTunes world we live in. So here’s to you R.E.M. and your upcoming reunion. Mark me down for two tickets.
5/27/2011 1:12:11 PM
Richard Vining dot com
Where comments are free
With the Commercial Appeal’s announcement that it will be going to a 100% paid web model, I thought I’d take the opportunity to instill some calm and announce that richardvining.com will continue to remain free. But more importantly, and relevant to the CA’s announcement, is what will happen to the comment section on the newspaper’s website? With the worst part of Memphis not actually living within the city limits but rather cyberspace dump known as the CA’s comment section, I wonder what a $9.99/mo subscription rate will do to the flow and quality of its content. Will it weed out all the trolls and become an elitist bulletin board instead? I’m not sure. But one thing is for sure, the next time I’m in too good of a mood about something and am in need of a downer, I’ll have to find someplace other than the CA to bring me back to earth. So long CA, it’s been good knowing you.
- 5/27/2011 1:29:41 PMjust click on the link that said 'paid' and prepare to just go WHAAAAAAAA at the screen.
4/17/2011 7:21:44 PM
Administrative Alert
I'm Not an IT Guy
Administrative Alert – For those of you who browse the web for a living, I apologize for the lack of new material lately. Yes, I still have a camera and a keyboard, so while I have not been posting ‘stuff’, I have been at least putting it in the que. What I need is a vacation where I can laptop-up and knock all this stuff out. I've got some really good ideas, but just have not executed of late. Anyway, this weekend I will be switching all my domain names from one server to another. Expect this to be a flawless operation with everything working perfectly the first time out by Monday. Thank you.
10/14/2010 7:47:18 AM
Hecho En China?
And you thought having to press 1 was annoying
So I’m eating a cheese egg bagel at Bogies Mid-Town one Saturday morning when I notice that the new patio furniture has some of those gold looking oval “Made in China” stickers on them. Like any good American, I reached down to scrape them off only to find that they didn’t say “Made in China” but rather “Hecho en China” instead. Really? No… Really! You mean to tell me that the 12 year old that spent all night assembling the thing now has to deal with two rolls of stickers? REALLY! While I haven’t completely made up my mind on this, I’m leaning toward drawing the line RIGHT HERE. Look, like anybody else, I’m willing to turn a blind eye to how we in the USA get virtually everything we buy these days. But when I saw the “Hecho en China” sticker, something inside me seemed to change. Not only have we lost our global stranglehold on the world’s supply of assembled cheap crap, but now we seem to have lost our title of primary target audience of that cheap crap. Keep in mind, this wasn’t a sticker that said “MADE IN CHINA, hecho en china.” This sticker said “Hecho en China” and “Hecho en China” only. Were it not for the cheap gold foil and oval shape, I probably would not have been able to visually translate the word “hecho” into “made” as if it were a stop sign. So what did I do? I took out the can opener tool on my pocket leatherman and went around scraping off every last one of those stickers on the entire patio. The owner, who I know rather well, even came out to ask what I was doing. Thankfully, Ava came to the rescue with a “daddy is being a good American” comment. (yes, she was somewhat prepped on her answer and probably had no idea what she was saying… but still) So am I way off base? Where do you come out on this? Viva la USA!
8/11/2010 11:01:53 AM
Best Buy
Who turned off the fun?
Remember when Best Buy’s slogan was “Turn on the Fun”? Seems like a long time ago doesn’t it? I remember back in the mid 90’s walking into a Best Buy and feeling like you were at some sort of concert being held at a retail amusement park. I would go there just to hang out on a rainy day. Well those days are completely gone... and it's not because I'm married, have a job, and 3 kids now. This is all Best Buy's fault. They are the ones who've placed the "fun" switch firmly in the OFF position and then covered it up with washing machines and vaccum cleaners in spite of the fact that we have more cool gizmos now than we had 15 years ago. Yes, while I understand that retail is dead and big box stores have to explore innovative angles in order to stay relevant, I don't think you can just blame "the internet" for everything. Anyway, on top of all that, what I experienced the other day in the parking lot of one of their new stores was borderline offensive. It was a sign located right there with the handicap parking stating “Reserved for Fuel Efficient Vehicle Parking Only.” So after parking there, and asking a couple of suddenly frightened people to take my picture, I decided to take the following photos on my own. So just hit your refresh button and enjoy, and if you have any other suggestions for signs leave them in the comment section below. Thanks. And don’t forget to keep it green.
- 8/12/2010 7:55:06 PMpictures?
rvining
- 8/15/2010 6:11:30 PMyes, on homepage... just hit refresh
evining
- 9/29/2010 9:14:23 PMI've noticed! Why on earth they offer closer spots for the fuel efficient cars is beyond me. It's outrageous! Any time I'm buying something REALLY cool, I need the PANEL TRUCK to haul it! And anything I need the panel truck for.... is BIG, and a pain to tote to the far end of the lot.
4/21/2010 12:49:59 PM
Wi-fi
It stands for wireless... uhh?
Wi-Fi. We all know what it is. It’s everywhere, and we all have multiple devices that can use it. But does anybody know what the word Wi-Fi stands for? No really, without looking it up, do you know? No… you don’t. If your clever, you might have said “wireless-fi” or something. If you tried to be smart, you might have guessed “wireless fidelity.” But chances are, most of you just sat there, thought about it for a second, and admitted defeat. You don’t know. But that’s ok – I don’t know either. In fact, nobody does. Why? Well that’s because it doesn’t actually stand for anything. It’s not even an acronym. As it turns out, that ying-yang looking logo you see everywhere just sort of got created and caught on. It’s not even copywrited! Pretty interesting. No go back about your day.
- 4/22/2010 6:47:56 PMThats great and all, but can we get wi-fi in the poker hut yet?
rvining
- 4/23/2010 3:40:20 PMi kind of like it being the last place on earth free of wi-fi.
aj
- 6/25/2010 5:42:37 PMi've actually read that somewhere...but had already forgotten so thanks for the useless information reminder.
12/8/2009 6:55:00 PM
I Don't Get It
My Christmas Card Explained
I’ve said it for years… Just because you don’t get something doesn’t make it not funny. If that weren’t true, folks like Dennis Miller would be totally irrelevant. So for those of you coming to rv.com in search of answers as to why my 2009 Christmas Card has such an obviously placed sinking boat in the background, let me catch you up to speed. Yes, it has for the past several years been sort of a tradition to subtly Photoshop items into the background of my Christmas Cards. From a whale tale at the beach to a rat by the UClub Christmas tree to a rather handsome prowler with a hammer just outside my sunroom window, I’ve had some fun with the annual mailing. (although the UClub didn’t find the rat all that funny) So, why so obvious this year? Well let me fill you in on a little secret. MY BOAT REALLY DID SINK THIS YEAR!!!!! That’s right – it SANK! SANK, as in it went to the bottom of the lake. It sort of made for a bummer of a summer at my house. So while the boat in the background may appear to be a little obvious, it is rather appropriate I think. The fact that the title of the card states something along the lines of “Celebrating the Joys of Life” is just a coincidental bonus. Furthermore, there are at least two other things about the card that are not exactly ordinary. (excluding the standard whitening of teeth and swapping of heads on the kids so that it appears they are all looking at the camera) So I hope you enjoy the card. And if you didn’t get one… try to be a better friend next year. Feliz Navidad.
6/24/2009 8:44:26 PM
Independence Day II
Go ahead... Make our day
I can’t wait until the 4th of July this year. No, it’s not because I get to use my bottle-rocket gun or I plan on winning the CGA Parade for the 4th year in a row; it’s because I’m excited about seeing Mr. Magnificent Leader launching his Tae-Pong-Dong (or whatever) missile in the general direction of union member #50. Why? Because this whole past week, Magnificent Leader’s big talk has reminded me of a story from circa 1996 when it seems that rv.com staff member Hank and his, at that time, “little” brother Robert got into an argument involving a pack of cigarettes just prior to a 311 concert at Mud Island (I know… waaay to much non relevant information there, but this is a good story so just deal with it). Well, as you can imagine, on that extremely hot night, things escalated to the point where eventually Robert took it upon himself to grab a baseball bat make a charge at ole Hank. Then, just before taking a swing, everything froze for a second as Hank pointed finger right at Robert and said – “if you hit me with that bat, you better knock me the f#@& out!” The point was clear. Robert had better make up his mind as to his intentions with that bat prior to taking a swing. I’ll let you figure out how that analogy fits this current USA v North Korea situation. Still, with an ailing MC Kim Jong with his finger on the button, you never know if he will have the same sense that Robert had that day. I for one am hoping that he doesn’t so that we can see all sorts of brand new low-orbit satellite lasers and stuff in action. Furthermore, while we (the USA) may not be too good at rooting out sissies who hide in caves and mill about with the general population, we are good against stand up armies. So this has the opportunity to be the equivilant of Robert swinging the bat and missing all together. An all out beat down with nothing but a few photos from space to prove that it ever even happened. So bring it on Mr. Ill. Push that button. We’ve got all sorts of cool toys we would like to show you.
5/4/2009 8:28:26 PM
Times are simple...
if you're two
A few weeks back, a lady told my daughters how she and her two sisters made sure that their dad never had to want for anything. To explain, she went into detail with some stories about how she and her sisters personally saw to it that their dad always had whatever it was he needed before he ever had to ask for it. Well apparently, my girls were listening as since that time, the two of them have gone way out of their way to make sure I have all the things I “need”. Case in point - the other afternoon we all went out to lunch and, before I could even take a bite out of my sandwich, Ava saw to it that I had a pepper shaker in front of me. Something that she’s seen me reach for several times before I guess. A nice gesture for sure. However, her execution was poor as, while she was trying to slide me the pepper from two seats over, it fell off the table and smashed itself on the scored concrete floor. Glass and pepper went everywhere and, rather than having something I “needed” right there in front of me, I now had a five minute clean up project around my feet. But before I could even roll my eyes, Elaine piped in with “it bwoke like Cindawella’s gwass swipper!” All I do is take a breath and agree. It had. But more importantly, this was a real lesson in perspective. How nice it must be to be two years old and have that kind of material to draw from up in your RAM. No politics, no taxes, no market, swine flu, Al Qaeda, or spam. No wonder they call it a small world.
- 5/5/2009 6:47:25 AMthat's a sweet story.
robthompson
- 6/5/2009 12:28:59 PMThat's poetry right there.